Story Review: FM2000S by mustafa.fuch1

WARNING: SPOILERS

Do you remember that horrible assignment you had in grade school when you were ordered to write out specific instructions on how to sharpen a pencil? Then you had to read the instruction out loud while one of your classmates followed the instructions, only to find out you forgot stupid crap like "put the non-eraser end of the pencil in the sharpener." Well FM2000S by Mufasa.fuch1, a recent story posted to the BDSM Library, was assuredly written by the kid who got all the instructions precisely correct.

FM2000S, which admittedly doesn't sound like much of a title, is a story about a pair of guys who may or may not have been gay who run a hair salon. As a side business they run an operation for Joe Haines, a big time white slaver who has the pair kidnap young girls and put them through a physical and mental training program (also known as brainwashing) in order to turn them into "fuckmeat." Evidently, that's what the FM in the title stands for. Don't ask me about the 2000 part. Maybe they haven't upgraded their equipment since Y2K, or maybe the virus infected their computer controls systems and all the dates are stuck on 2000. Or what the hell, maybe the author, mufasa.fuch1 just thought any mechanical process involving double dildos penetrating a bound girl for three weeks practically non-stop deserves a cool round number on the end. And before you get your hopes up, the story isn't about the girl's three week sex session. Now what about the "S" at the end? Hell if I know. Maybe it stands for "Sadistic" or something or its the de SADE model. Who cares?

FM2000S is written in first person from the perspective of one of the hairdressers/kidnappers and we never actually find out his name. I'll call him Bob. Bob and Jose seem to have this methodical pit stop timed procedure for capturing girls that involve using some weird strange device that grabs them by the hair and allows Bob and Jose to strip them and bind them, preparing them for travel. Now a couple of questions seem to come to mind here. Why is there a time limit? Are they racing for fun? Is the girl's boyfriend in the car outside waiting for her to finish her perm? I mean seriously, I applaud professionalism but this seems a little ridiculous. Not to mention they aren't very good at it either. First they bind her up with leather straps then have to take them off to get some of her clothes off. You would think professionals would know the procedure: strip her first, then bind her. Especially if you're trying to save the clothes to sell on Ebay (you cheap shits! Aren't you getting enough for the sex slave?)

Next comes the strange spiked rod that entwines the hapless victim and hauls her up by the scalp. Very painful, highly dangerous, and extremely unlikely. How do they deal with girls of different heights? Oh yeah, they were told how tall their first victim "Fiona" would be. But what if she wore the six inch heels instead of flats? Wouldn't the steel rod with rubber coated hooks brain her dead? Oh well...lets not get distracted.

Mustafa's description of the device that holds Fiona when they take her captive is explicit enough that you could probably build one on your own. For damn sure its better than the instructions Ikea gives you to put together that European Furniture crap they sell.

The capture shaft was behind and above the door, four feet long three inch long diameter Aluminium shaft with rows of two inch aluminium spikes each with a quarter inch ball at the end so it didn't cut or scratch which turned slowly and silently powered by an electric motor, twenty four rows of six spikes each...

Why are they using this machine when a simple cloth filled with ether will do the trick? Or a tranquilizer? Or is this machine some sort of free gift when you buy the FM2000S? In any event, Bob and Jose make a serious blunder when fate decides to hand them the mother of all coincidences. They were told to expect Fiona Blenkinsopp, who was exactly a particular weight and exactly a particular height. She was even brunette. But oops. Wrong girl. Ms. Blenkinsopp was delayed and it just so happened that the wrong Fiona entered the shop at just the wrong time, and she was just the wrong height, and just the wrong weight, and yes...even the wrong hair color. Ah...isn't destiny a bitch? With that much going against her she should have just accepted her fate to become fuckmeat, because other wise she was going to get run over by a bus right after leaving.

So Bob and Jose bind her up, shave and wax her, and even pull out all of her front teeth (to better give blow jobs). She ends up a bloody mess and barely recognizable when Bob and Jose learn their mistake. They still aren't sure who Fiona is at this point of course, because the author wants to surprise you. Big Daddy Haines shows up to "sample" the raw goods. Why? I have no idea. Maybe he wants to personally rape every girl they kidnap. Maybe he just likes girls with no teeth (is there like a market for that?) Maybe he just believes in that personal stamp of approval and won't sell a fat yellow slave girl with her teeth knocked out and all her hair shaved off.

I just won't sell a fat yellow chicken

Mr. Haines samples Fiona's soft mouth (and I do mean soft), doesn't complain about the blood, and cums all over her face, after which he discovers that his current oral sex companion happens to be his step-daughter Fiona. However, the author doesn't mention the step part until near the end of the story, so a lot of readers spend some time thinking "wow, daddy daughter sex...oohh." Or "wow, daddy daughter sex...gross." Mr. Haines is exposed to Fiona as a white slaver and daughter dearest swears to go to the police.

Yeah. Right. So what does daddy dearest do? Send her for processing. Granted, this is Bob's idea and Mr. Haines seems to go for it. Bob and Jose prepare her for shipping and send her upstate to another facility where evidently the equipment to make FM2000S girls is ready and waiting.

We don't get much detail about the procedure, but Bob leaves Jose back at the shop and motorcycles up to the receiving station where Fiona has been sent. When he gets there, it turns out that UPS delivers naked bound chicks and dead bodies quicker than his little 100cc motorcylce can cover the distance and he discovers that Fiona has already been strapped to a lounge chair, plugged with motorized dildos, and is currently having the very daylights screwed out of her. Evidently this wasn't what Bob had meant to happen and a notation slip up on the invoice had resulted in daughter dearest getting prepped for full treatment.

Jose it turns out is dead from a gun shot wound and Bob figures he's next, so just to hammer the last nail in the coffin he frees Fiona from her fuck chair and proceeds to rape her. Yes. Rape her. I guess if you're in for a penny you're in for a pound. And when I say pound, I mean like a serious pounding. We find out that Fiona had dreams that didn't involve having her teeth pulled out, or being strapped to a table and being non-stop screwed for weeks. She wanted to be an attorney. Bob sympathizes with her after leaving enough spunk inside her to convict him in a thousand courts and Daddy Haines shows up.

And is cool with everything. Fiona still wants to go to the police and as Haines wavers on doing a Jose to both Fiona and Bob, Bob makes a different suggestion: give me everything I want and I'll keep Fiona in hand. Huh? Seriously? What? And Haines goes for it?

So Bob keeps his head in tact, Fiona gets put BACK on the table for her three weeks of non-stop fucking, and she gets to avoid the psychological brainwashing in favor of being given cosmetic dental surgery, an inheritance to the Fuckmeat Brand, Bob as a new caregiver/boyfriend, and a non-stop need for sexual intercourse.

I'm trying not to laugh. If this had ended with "And they all lived happily ever after" it would have been the perfect ending. Unbelievable.

But hey, it's fiction right? It's ALLOWED to be unbelievable. So that's the story. Not that many plot holes with the exception of modus operandi, but hey whatever.

Let's talk about the writing. I've said a couple times before that authors who can't even master basic grammatical structure don't even get the courtesy of a review from me. Mostly because I can't overlook those disasters to the English language. I'm not perfect myself and I HATE it when I screw up. That's why I have people read and edit my stuff first. So with that said, I can tell you that the author mustafa.fuch1 can actually write, or at least write with only minor errors. It's irritating when you don't use apostrophes to show possession, but I can forgive it. To be honest, he should be writing technical manuals on how to build sexual torture devices, but he CAN write.

What is frequently lacking however is description. Almost everything is left to the reader's imagination with only the basic outlines painted for us. Oh...unless its the equipment. Like I loved this description:

The screen image changed, four views, Monica clicked the top right and Fiona's crotch filled the screen, the double fucking machine with its two pistons working rhythmically but out of sync to loosen her ass and pussy. "Looks ok, no blood." Monica observed as she changed image to the girls bound hands and ankles and the padded frame and ankle spreader, and finally to the move-able cam showing the dildo rammed deep in her throat, and her sweet little dog collar.

See? Great description! I wish Ikea instruction manuals were this detailed. That said mustafa.fuch1 breezes through these awesome scenes so fast that it's difficult to even get an erection before we're on to some plot moving device. I would have loved to spend a nice ten minutes really getting into what was happening to poor Fiona here, but instead we move on to Bob and his decisions about Joe Haine's impending arrival.

Mustafa.fuch1 has created a pretty neat plot that had lots of potential but came in a little under the line. It was a fun read, especially if you skipped the nuts and bolts description of the machines (unless you like that stuff of course...when you can pull yourself away from building your own FuckingMachine in the garage), but to be honest the scenes were much like a technical manual. Flat, with very little emotional content.

If you are building this in your garage you will like this story's descriptions

Part of this was because the story is written in first person. I did this and I did that. The problem with first person is that it's difficult to really express what other characters are thinking and feeling. If Mustafa.fuch1 had written this in third person, or at least from the perspective of Fiona, the story would have been much deeper. As it was, Bob's character just sort of strolled from one scene to another, with very little emotional content.

On a scale of one to ten, I think FM2000S by mustafa.fuch1 rates a strong six. I'm not sure I can recommend reading it, especially if you're just trying to get turned on. There were some moments I felt a twitch, and maybe if you like brutality and toothless women this would rate higher, but it's my review so I get to rank it the way I want.

That said, I think that mustafa.fuch1 (what kind of name is that anyway? Did he get drunk while watching The Lion King and a porno at the same time?) has some real creative talent. He's written four other stories for the BDSM Library and I have to admit his penchant for mechanical phallic impalers, not to mention strange girl capture technology is a strong plus. What I think he really needs is some more seasoning. Remember that all that cool stuff is nothing but a prop for your "actors" to engage with. It's the same advice I'd give James Cameron about Avatar. Fancy CGI is nice, but it's the story that matters.