Story Review: Amber & Sinndy Make It Hurt

It's rare for me to start a story review this way, but I really can't help it.

WTF?

This morning I read a totally fucked up tale entitled "Amber & Sinndy Make It Hurt" by Amber, the Evyl Princess. Yes. The Author is not just royalty, but a self-declared villain, or just someone with a massive ego and strange view of subjective morality. Wouldn't you just love to see this girl's Facebook page? This story was originally posted at White Shadow's BDSM Library back in 2001, so its a re-post and I suspect Nic Romanschek might have been involved because he's in the process of moving the old White Shadow archive to the BDSM Library. Kudos, Nic. That said, I never had the opportunity to read it back then, so I did it this morning and am discovering a whole new world of punk rocker mania that makes me glad I listen to classical music and pop rock.

I have to preface this with informing everyone that I am traditionally a Dominant, and much prefer to be the one holding the whip. However, there are rare occasions when I can get my mind set into a suitably submissive role that I can at least enjoy a F/m story. I've even written one: "He Soon To Thee Shall Sacrifice". It's rare for me to read them, but obviously I did this morning.

Let's get started. "Amber & Sinndy Make It Hurt" is an interesting tale told in third person omniscient past tense about two punk rocker girls who seduce and kidnap a punk rocker boy at a TSOL concert.

Yeah. This Shit Only Loses.

Evidently getting stoned, crushed in the mosh pit, and having a bad meth trip isn't enough to keep kids at home these days, and we now have to add kidnapping and rape to the list. But hey, guys liked to be raped by hot punk rocker chicks, right?

That Skull was her last boyfriend that she picked up at a TSOL concert.

So Amber and Sinndy target a blonde grunge boy toy named Eric, provide him with some decent grinding in the mosh pit, give him a handjob (which is orgasm #1 in the story), and then put him in the back of their Suburban, and sexually tease him while they drive him to his house. I know that's a run on sentence, but it seemed appropriate for this story because its a decent metaphor for the entire plot. The author goes into a bit of detail about how Amber and Sinndy got Eric's address and then takes him there in their suburban, but then decides that the classic question of your place or mine needs to be answered with mine. In Eric's driveway, they handcuff him and Sinndy does a bit of stroking of cock, just as Amber drives away, heading for their "cabin in the woods."

What the hell? Why go to Eric's house at all? And why did Amber suddenly decide that Eric's place wasn't what they needed? Weren't they planning this from the start? This is the first of many plot holes that has this story looking like Swiss cheese.

Yeah, the plot of this story looks just like this.

So handcuffed, Eric, Sinndy, and Amber drive out into the mountains where the two punk rocker girls turn the tide on poor Eric. The best little toy is right at the beginning. A slap bracelet studded with sharp little spikes is removed from Sinndy's arm and inverted, then wrapped around Eric's cock. Awesome. Leather tresses give her the ability to tighten or loosen it, giving her the ability to lead Eric like an animal. Then the girls put a pair of ankle chains on the guy, hobbling him effectively. Unfortunately, the author does a poor job of describing the anklets, calling the handcuffs, or cuffs, repeatedly and making it damn difficult to understand how Eric walks into the cabin on his own.

Once inside we get the most confused handcuffing action ever to take place in a story. It was like watching one of those skilled charlatans trying to get you to guess were the pebble is under one of the three cups. It was really difficult to tell when Eric was cuffed, or how he was cuffed, or if his ankles were free or if his hands were free. It made it even more odd when he got ordered to masturbate...but with cuffs on. Have you ever worn handcuffs? Real ones aren't made for sex games. They're made for restraining people. Trust me, masturbating while cuffed, even in the front, is a no-go unless you're double jointed and have a high dexterity rating.

Things get a bit more sadistic when Eric is whipped with a razor studded whip. Earth to Amber, I know you like blood, but you can make people bleed with just leather. Adding the razors is like asking for trouble. You hit the wrong spot and suddenly you have a dead guy instead of a bloody one.

Then we are treated to a back and forth interplay of lesbian sex followed by boy torment, followed by more lesbian sex. It's like the author had a checklist of perversions. Forced Masturbation: check. Cunnilingus: check. Fellatio: check. Fisting: check. Rimjob: Check. Anal penetration: check. And the list goes on. Once everything is checked off on the list the girls have Eric up against the wall and are taunting and threatening him, only to have him headbutt Amber in the face, breaking her nose.

This could possibly have happened because her only weapon is a beer bottle, which for some strange drug caused reason she called her "gun" earlier in the story. Maybe she was so stoned she couldn't tell the difference between a gun and a beer bottle.

Can you spot the difference? Evidently its difficult when you're stoned.

So with a broken nose Amber gets a demonic grin on her face and proceeds to anally ram Eric with the largest butt plug on the planet. Then she proceeds to suck his cock, put on a strap on dildo, and create one of the weirdest sex sandwiches in the world while fucking him silly while penetrating Sinndy. All while ignoring a broken nose? Um...masochistic too?

Things go along this vein for a little while when suddenly the strangest thing happens. The door bursts open and a strange blue man comes into the cabin! Amber and Sinndy bolt naked, run out the door, hop in the Suburban, and run for the lives.

Yeah, I'd run for my life too.

Then the weirdness factor just goes way off the chart. The blue man comments that Eric finally lost is virginity. Eric nods, says "yes, the curse can now be fulfilled" and then

Eric's legs folded, and so did his arms. He bent backwards and sucked himself into his own asshole, shoving himself into his anus until he disappeared. Whatwas left was his anus, and the little man picked it up, dipped it in a cummy puddle, and ate it like a donut. He scampered out into the snow.

How's that for an ending? WTF, right? It's like Amber the Evyl Princess was just too fucking tired to write a real ending so she borrowed one from an acid soaked trip. Talk about drug induced creativity. Holy crap. This was a surprise.

Yep. That's exactly what this was. A Surprise, and not even a decent one.

But wait! We haven't even talked about the writing! Plot holes and weird endings aside, Amber the Evyl Princess does have the ability to correctly spell words. I was also impressed by some of the descriptions. There was some good detail there. The real problem was paragraph construction. Paragraphs are all about putting linked thoughts together. Unfortunately, Amber didn't bother with linking like thoughts together. While there are paragraphs, I got the impression they were placed like gasps of air from a drowning man, rather than as breaks in linear thought. This made the story incredibly hard to follow and had us frequently floundering in confusion as we tried to make sense of who was doing what, when, to whom, and why.

To be honest, it was difficult to make it through to the end, and frankly, I wish I hadn't. So where does this leave us? Well, I have to rate this is as a five (Kinda Ok, but the author could do some serious improvement.) Overall, the story had some promise, but the writing style, the strange plot development, not to mention Papa Smurf eating Eric who turned into a small asshole, kind of ruined the whole thing. In this particular case, I think you should probably hold off reading this story. In some cases, I read stories so you don't have to. And trust me, you REALLY don't have too!