Story Review: School for Submissives by Abe

Recently I read a pretty good story on the BDSM Library from an author almost as prolific as myself. Abe, the author, has written 19 different short stories and posted them all this year. They range in length from short story to novella and I have a feeling that Abe recently found the BDSM Library and decided to post several years of personal work. I did the same thing, posting at least four years of written fiction in the first month or so.

That said, the majority of the reviews Abe has gotten have been very positive. The work I read was entitled "School For Submissives" and is somewhat of a psychological expose into the procedure for changing a mental image or view point.

There are four characters, but only three that matter, since the nurse has absolutely no impact or real lines. Eve, the sexually inhibited and overly religious wife of Art, agrees to undergo medical "cleansing" designed to help her loose weight. Or that's what she is told. Art secretly arranges the program with an ethically questionable "doctor" (who actually is never identified as anything but "Doctor") who agrees to turn Eve from non-responsive sexual partner to "whore". In fact, the best one liner in the story is right at the beginning:

"So what's wrong with your wife?" [asks the doctor.]

"I want her more submissive. I've got a virgin, when I want a whore. She is frigid, doesn't have any enthusiasm for sex. And, furthermore, she's gaining weight."

It's ironic and a little funny, since most men pine after virgins for so much of their life. But hey, I understand Art's frustration. Having sex with a non-responsive limp ragdoll who doesn't show any emotional or physical pleasure at intercourse can be the epitome of the concept of "vacuum cleaner sex" or in other words: it sucks. I totally understand why Art wants some help.

Which leads us to our questionable doctor, who doesn't want his name used, and explains he can't "bill" the procedure to Art's insurance. Why not? Doctor's bill all sorts of crap to insurance. He can call it Weight Loss Program or something. He doesn't have to bill it as "Brainwashing patient into sexual masochistic fuck slave." Does he? Unfortunately the good Doctor doesn't seem to be a psychologist or psychiatrist, but a general practitioner who only attended one brain class: Intro to Psychology. His methods for "training" Eve toward Art's stated goal are a little weak and are only successful because Eve is either mentally deficient and easily swayed by the flimsiest of logic paths, or was already secretly a closet masochist, hiding the fact from Art that she was giving herself papercuts and pouring lemon juice on them to atone for her religious sins.

Speaking of religion, Eve has got a bad case of it. She claims she's a Catholic, but a condemned one because she's living in sin because she didn't marry within the church. Now I happen to be Catholic, and my wife's Catholic, so I don't really have exactly the same perspective, but the church is still willing to marry two people who weren't both Catholic, they just can't have a MASS at the wedding and the non-Catholic party has to agree to raise any kids as Catholic. I know..draconian isn't it? But hey, the head of the Holy See's exorcism squad is performing three a day, so who's going to complain?

So what happens? Well to put it bluntly, Doctor talks (yes talks, no drugs, no hypnotism, no breaking of the spirt) Eve into self-flagellation, major exercise, and continued obedience to her "lord and master" Art. We are treated to a relatively quick week long program where Eve turns into the perfect little slave of a wife, willing to endure discomfort and pain (to atone for her sinful living), and willing to open up for her husband. Somehow, through all of this she actually, maybe, kind of, experiences an actual orgasm. I think. It wasn't really clear.

The first thing I have to say about the writing was that it was error free. Or at least if there were any errors I didn't notice them. That alone puts Abe's work like a mile over the vast majority of crap at the BDSM Library. The story was simple, short, and direct, which made it easy to read in one sitting, and hey...it turned ME on. That said, all of the characters are rather two dimensional, even Eve with her religious background. It all seems a little to pat. Abe concentrates on WHAT is happening, but beyond a cursory why and who, we don't get much. The nurse especially has no personality, no real lines (if any), and seems pointless since the Doctor could have easily handled things on his own. Was she there so the doctor could continue seeing his regular patient or go play golf? The Doctor himself was rather mysterious. He wanted cash, he didn't sexually stimulate or abuse Eve in any way. In fact...now that I think about it, there wasn't a single thing illegal about the whole thing! Eve freely submitted herself to the procedure! She did all the self-flagellation. So why the "under the table" business arrangement?

Now about Art. Well, we know he's got a big stake in his wife's father's company. So we can understand why he needs to keep Eve around. But hey Art, haven't you ever heard of a MISTRESS? If Eve's Dad is dead, then just find a decent looking personal assistant or secretary and that will make BOTH of you happy. Eve will be happy not having sex and you can get your rocks off any time you work late. Let Eve start going back to church too while you're at it and you can go ahead and have the secretary over on Sunday mornings too.

Back to the writing. Abe did a relatively good job telling us what was happening. Dialog wasn't meaningless or fragmented, which is the sign of good writing. I hate people who write in fragments. I can forgive it during dialog, but it still is a good thing to avoid. (I know, there are times I do it, but usually it's for a colloquialism.) The only real places the story is lacking is description.

Authors, like movie directors, have almost total control of the story they are telling. But unfortunately for the authors, they have to tell everything: what is Eve wearing (or not wearing), what about Nurse, or Doctor, or even Art? If clothes make the man, Art's not much of one, or we don't know because we don't know what Art is wearing. Is he in a suit? Is Father's-in-law company a high scale business, or does Art come in wearing something a construction engineer might wear? Is Doctor in a lab coat? Scrubs? Or a polo shirt? What color is everyone's hair? What does Eve look like? This is all we get:

She was of medium height, looking taller in high heels, and her black dress was perhaps a size 12.

Ouch. And she is wearing a mask too. So it's all in the reader's imagination. How about her cell? We know that there is an exercise bike, a bidet, a hot tub, a sleeping pallet, and table. But that's it. Now in fairness, I should point out that NOT describing the room might be deliberate by Abe. He might be trying to force us to see it from within Eve's perspective without stepping out of third person omniscient POV. But if so, why not use descriptors like "Eve ran her hands over the metal bars and finally realized that it was an exercise bike." So make of that what you will. Authors have to not only direct the action and line deliverance, but build the set, handle lighting, music, costumes, and manage the stage. Abe really only put a couple of props up and handed the actors a few items from my kid's costume box. Oh...and he stripped Eve. Seriously...WHAT KIND OF MASK?

In the end Eve becomes every man's wet dream: a willing obedient wife who will wear anything you want, wants you to whip her, cane her, and screw her silly, without a single objection ever. Yeah...right. A woman who never objects. Oh wait...I forgot. This isn't reality. It's a STORY. Even my sub and wife Jenni lets me know when she doesn't like something. And she REALLY lets me know when she DOESN'T like something. But hey, the girls in most of my stories don't object much either, that's why it's called "fiction."

So lets sum up. "School for Submissives" is a quick fun read without much depth and a fairly consistent plot scheme. It's written well, with no errors or grammatical oddities that speak well of the author. While simplistic in its plot, you can in general overlook the plot holes and just let yourself seep into the little cell Eve is in. Overall, I rate it a pretty good eight out of ten. Personally, I think Abe is probably a new writer, and since I was there once too, my advice is to keep writing and remember to add the descriptions. I'm going to read the rest of his work as well, since several of his other pieces have caught my eye with the coding. Go Abe.

Photo via SoHo.com