Story Review: Maggie's New Slave by Sam W.

Maggie is the teen who has everything, including her own personal slave. She can't wait to play with her newest one, the beautiful Katie.


Oh my. I just finished reading "Maggie's New Slave" by Sam W. and I have to admit, it wasn't bad. Overall an eight on a scale of one to ten.

I'll get to the rest of the story in a moment, but I just HAVE to comment about the second paragraph of this story. In what has to be one of the most... awesomely weird character descriptions in the history of erotica, the author gives the reader a detailed vision of Maggie's latest acquisition: a gorgeous auburn haired girl. But in what must be the strangest series of descriptors, the author gives us detailed information about the girl's jaw, neck, collarbone, shoulders, breasts, nipples, stomach, DIAPHRAGM (WTF?), pelvic bones (not pelvis!), waist, thighs, mound of venus, her sex, and even (without naming it which is a surprise) her perineum. Usually I have to take authors to task for not providing ENOUGH descriptions, or for giving measurements. Rarely do I have to chide an author for too much.

Maggie marveled at the prize bound to the table before her. She started at the top, looking at the apex of the girl's head, and from there followed the billowing auburn hair that radiated from the point. The girl's hair framed a beautiful face, with a hard-set, determined jaw, mitigated by soft, rounded features. Maggie's eyes moved down the girl's long, elegant neck, to her pronounced collarbone, which supported two round, strong shoulders which the girl's hair came to rest at. Maggie's eyes greedily took in the girl's soft, supple skin, the color of a pale peach. She looked down the girls chest until the skin tightened and stretched to accommodate a pair of charming B-cup breasts. Small, but not tiny, they were perfectly rounded. The two milky-white globes quivered with the girls rising and falling chest. They were topped with two pink, soft and puffy nipples. Maggie's eyes moved further, past the girl's toned stomach, where her strong diaphragm contracted and expanded with breath. She watched as the girl's pelvic bones created a kind of valley at the girl's waist. Two creamy, toned thighs framed what Maggie was waiting for. The valley of the girl's pelvis rose up to a mountain as the girl's mound of venus came into view. The pronounced, pale mound was topped with a light dusting of dark, curly hair. At the girl's hooded clitoris, the mound parted into two thick, puffy lips which concealed the girl's virgin passageway save for a single spot in the middle where Maggie could view the pink flesh within. The lips resealed themselves at the bottom of the girl's vagina, and the smooth skin ran farther back to a hidden point that Maggie could not yet see.

Sam... too much. What did you do? Get out Grey's Anatomy and just go down the list? Why not describe her patellas too? Personally, I would have loved to hear about her phalanges.

0kay, despite my issues with that second paragraph, I have to say that "Maggie's New Slave" is really well written. The author has a good command of the language and uses compound sentences effectively, creating depth and complexity. It comes off rather nice.

Grammatically, for the most part, the author does a good job. I noticed a couple of sentences ending in prepositional phrases and there was one spot were an apostrophe for a possessive was missing, but these are minor issues and if there were any other mistakes, I didn't notice them. That says a lot about the quality of the author. Sam W is very readable.

I'd like to say that the plot is good, but I'm not sure. The reason behind THAT is because the author has decided to serialize this story. I hate serials because I rarely will go back and re-read earlier chapters in order to catch up. That said, at least Sam W. does the serialization correctly. Many authors don't end their "part" at the correct moment. Each episode or part needs to have it's own self-contained plot movement. Sam W. does that rather well, finishing the introduction and initial scene before "to be continued" hits us in the face.

And it does hit us in the face, because while the author ended the "part 1" at an acceptable moment, ending it at THAT particular point completely destroyed any sort of sexual tension the author was trying to build up. The introduction was rather bland. We got to endure the back story of Maggie's introduction into domming and there weren't even any juicy tidbits. How hard would it have been to expand on that one finger fucking scene? In the end, I didn't start feeling any of the needed tension until Katie woke up. Then the story ended a few paragraphs later. Ugggh...

And speaking of Katie, was Katie the red head girl from the beginning of the story? The author never actually SAYS. Not only that, but we move from the introduction of reminiscing to "Katie" bound. Is this still a memory, or is this the girl with the amazing strong diaphragm?

The author also describes the ultimate bondage toy table - one completely impossible by today's standards and technology. Yes, it MORPHS into any conceivable shape! Yet no explanation is given for this marvelous contraption. Is this important? Well... yes. Readers need a reason to suspend their believability. As a founding member of the Society For the Prevention of Cruelty to Reality, I object to there not being a decent explanation for this. Does the story take place in the future? Are Maggie's parent's mad scientists? Is this the world of Harry Potter and a quick flick of the wand can enchant wood and metal to do move in ways never imagined before? The author asks us to swallow a pretty big pill but doesn't provide any sugar to go with it. That said, I want one of these tables. My own jenni could well do with being on one for a few weeks. :D

Where the author REALLY shines though is in his descriptions. And when say that, please note that I usually HAMMER authors for this. Sam W not only describes the INTERNAL ORGANS and SKELETON of his characters, but he does a damn good job describing the scenes, the action, the environment... all of it. Talk about adding depth and complexity!

Sam also hits dialog well. A good author knows that action and dialog are what move a plot forward. Sam happens to be a good author. No where do we stall, get bored, or have issues. It's a steady pace. To bad we got cut off at the knees with the "to be continued".

In summary this story would probably rate a little higher from me had the rest of it been there. I'm not totally opposed to serials, but if you're going to do it, make sure that you don't damage your overall plot arc and leave readers disappointed. "Maggie's New Slave" is a perfect example of an opening "episode" that SHOULD have been a double. Regardless, Sam W. takes us into an intriguing world well worth exploring - once the rest of it is there!

Read Maggie's New Slave.